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A husband tells his stay-at-home wife they can’t buy a new car unless she gets a job
He wants to save for retirement and their kids’ college while she accuses him of being cheap
Now, he’s wondering if prioritizing savings has made him “the responsible villain”
A man turns to the Reddit community for support following a heated argument with his wife over whether or not it’s time for a new car. He admits that the conflict has left him feeling like “the responsible villain” in his marriage, while his wife plays the “happy go lucky one that has no care in the world.”
The husband shares that his wife is a stay-at-home mom to their two kids, who are now 15 and 13. “I do most of the budgeting and finances, but try to involve her, but she’s simply ‘not interested’ she says,” he explains.
Shutterstock / Hryshchyshen Serhii
He describes their financial situation as comfortable, largely because of his frugal mindset and the fact that they live in a city with a low cost of living. “My wife is the spender between us and it seems she’s always pushing the limits and wanting to spend more on lifestyle,” he writes, listing makeup, eyelashes, haircare, nails, waxing, and other beauty treatments as her frequent indulgences.
In an effort to keep things fair, he says the couple set a monthly budget of $800 each for personal spending. “She always uses hers up, then wants me to pay for takeout or buy her things on Amazon because ‘I don’t even spend much,’ ” he explains.
In contrast, he saves his money for bigger purchases like a Kindle or a new bike, while enjoying hobbies that cost little, like gardening and hiking.
The husband says he’s tried to explain that it isn’t fair for her to dip into his personal spending just because she runs out of her own. But the real conflict began when they recently hit a huge milestone: paying off their mortgage. “She said ‘Good, now we can buy a new car,’ ” he recalls.
His immediate reaction was to refuse. “I said that money is going towards our investment accounts so we can have a comfortable retirement,” he explains. To him, early retirement and traveling the world have always been shared goals. “When we met, we always talked about retiring early and traveling the world, and we still have regular conversations about it,” he says.
But his wife’s response wasn’t what he expected. She called him a “tight-wad” and argued that saving so much for retirement didn’t make sense if “we can die tomorrow.” Her reasoning didn’t sit well with him, especially since their cars — a 2017 and a 2014 — are fully paid off and still run reliably.
When she insisted the cars were “old” and that she wanted a new one, he finally snapped. “I told her ‘fine, we can buy a new car once you get a job and you’ve been working for at least a year,’ ” he says. That statement, he admits, left his wife furious. She shot back that he was an “a——” and a “cheapskate,” leaving him feeling misunderstood and attacked for wanting to prioritize their future.
He doubled down on his reasoning, reminding her that their kids will soon be starting college. “I told her look, I only want what’s best for our future, and the kids will be starting college soon and we need to save more for that too,” he explains. He adds that once the kids are in college, they might be able to get a nice used car with cash if they start saving for it now.
Still, his wife wasn’t convinced. Instead, she began giving him the silent treatment, leaving him isolated in his own home. “I feel like I’m the responsible villain and she is the happy go lucky one that has no care in the world,” he admits, clearly struggling with how different their outlooks have become.
Shutterstock / Jasen Wright
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For context, the man says he earns $140,000 a year, and both he and his wife are in their mid-30s. He shares that she has never held a job, devoting her entire adult life to being a stay-at-home mom. For him, paying off the mortgage was a huge milestone that gave him peace of mind. “Paying off the mortgage to me is a huge relief, and I want to put that extra money to good use,” he writes.
The tension reached a new level when one commenter pointed out the flaw in his wife’s argument that “we can die tomorrow.” The commenter noted, “Am I the only one who read that and thought she missed the point? Sole breadwinner dies, what’s left? Savings.”
The husband responded in agreement. “That’s true, I would’ve pointed it out if I [had] caught it,” he says. “Makes a great point. I only want what’s best for our future,” he emphasizes, holding firm to the belief that saving for retirement and their children’s college is more important than upgrading to a newer car right now.
Read the original article on People
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